even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
