I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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