its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
