i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
