I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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