I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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