i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
