you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
