I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
