i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
