break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize