Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
