You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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