Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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