I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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