Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
