He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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