did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
