Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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