remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
