That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
