Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
