Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
