once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
