Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
