i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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