It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
