I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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