Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
