Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
