she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
