how can u be prego again
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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