Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
