the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize