Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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