They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
