I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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