her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
