The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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