Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
