take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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