I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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