He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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