At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
