Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
