Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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