dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
