This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pants are for mortals
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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