My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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