I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
