i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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