Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still dying that you shit outside
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
