You're my little dorito
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
