i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
