oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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