you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize