How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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