he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
