My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
