i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize