I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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