He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
