god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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