I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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