I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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